I miss you. Wherever you are now.. I miss you so much..ajushii.

Good thing about having several relationships before, I mean not all at one time but after you have gone through relationships with different kind of people before is you know more about your own feeling and what you really want. I don't say that it makes u an expert in relationships but for me it's a way to know myself more. Each of us went through different kind of experiences. So, it make sense if we react differently toward a same situation. Well, I can't lie that part of it was an acute reaction, emotion driven decision. But the reason for the "365 days contract" was 60%  based upon those past experiences. In a different part of me say it's going to be like..okay,whatever. While the other portion of it says, nah..it's over, let's just forget about it.
The weird thing was.. I do felt hurt. Sedeh bah. I don't want to lose a good friend like him of coz..but staying as a friend at this point of time is worse. Of cos it's going to be awkward. I don't like that awkwardness... Err.. Pelik tu..just imagine. Walaupun mcm melampau pun ada.. Smpai sy unfriended and block semua. Obviously, it was an acute reaction. Hmm.. Xpa lah..dah tlanjur block..teruskn je lah. Haha. Until maybe at one point yang tu benda automatically unblock itself. Sementara tu biar ja lah.

Hmm..I intended to write this long time ago. But after weeks since I first started writing this post I only got the chance..er..mood to continue writing. Because... Simply because I think what I did was not really right. But at the same time I think it is good also to make it this way. I really hate awkwardness.

Ok.. Let's post this for once. Lama sudah betul draft post ni tersimpan sni. Kasi post seja lah. Oops..one more thing. Now..I start to question about all my decision before. Was it right when I decided to leave William? Hehehe.. For whatever reason, I think I did that right.

K.. Bye.. Till then..

Dear C,

Everyone has their own ego. Mine is big enough to cause me a terrible headache..and heartache. I miss u a lot. Not being able to say that I miss u is so annoying and painful. Oh God.. I miss u a lot😭😭😭..

P.S, I'm drunk at the moment... So this is a drunk post.

Sincerely,
Rosa.

Found one photo that I never expected to stumble upon to. His very own photo was taken  with my phone last time.. Bitter sweet. The picture he #sm used to share n to impress other girl while it was taken by some other girl's phone...my phone!!. Urrgghh.. I hate that part so much! Sangat dayus!... But I never saw it coming that I do miss him so much. I had this kind of feeling that's like...realizing how much you had love someone so wrongly and it had made your life up side down so badly for sometimes..and then he left u just like that.. I admit I miss him so much...only God know...keep thinking about him for an hour and this post..came out. I have to let it out somehow...to be at peace. I remembered everything..how can I ever forget. But this is one of the two things I will never forget. Second one is..when he said there's no future.. Oh gosh.. I won't forget these until the day I die... Ok..a bit easy now. Fuuhhh~~ thank you dear diary.. I am relieved that I never ever saw him anymore..now he is just a memory. Unfortunately..the darkest memory I ever have.

What love suppose to be like?
Is it suppose to make ur heart race or flutter? Does it always has to be like that..? I don't know but when love came this time..it's abit unexpected.

Thank you, Lord. I think I  have been opening up a bit. U know what? Time does heal a broken heart. And of course it's 90% came from your inner strength. It consists of what ur foundation is..ur belief and ur positivity.

I still believe that as long as I try to avoid my past from coming back to me, then I  will be OK. Yes..it works for me. It's not that I don't want to forgive and forget about my past. Forget..no, I will never be able to forget. Forgiveness? That's between me and God. Who said I don't forgive? I need to forgive. But it is not that easy. So as long as I  won't see that someone for the rest of my life, I  will be able to have a closure..and forgiveness. I thought it was well...for sometime. Until recently, that guy started to send texts again. Do u honestly think that I still trust u after what happened? And obviously u can't even keep ur own promises that u won't contact me anymore. It only lasted for few months then here he goes again. If what he want is some forgiveness then he doesn't have to worry. First of all..if i want to forgive someone or not..dat is between me and God. Or if he thinks that I owe him an apology.. I am deeply sorry for what happened before. I was too dumb to realize that I  had gone too far. I am sorry but please keep urself away from me. I don't want to see u in my future as a friend, as a stranger or even as anything. U are living a happy life now so don't make my life hard. Keep ur distance. I had been so happy and at peace this whole time until u texted that day. Ok. That's enough about that u-know-who guy. He is just a guy without a firm ground. Who can't even keep his own promise.

Hmm... I am scared if I had been too bad. But ermm.. Thank God.. I do feel better now..minus those recent issue I'd mention just now. But ya.. At least now it's better. Thanks to that boring guy. Oops.. Haha.. Iya.. I found one boring guy. Like...so boring..tidak romantic langsung! But he's nice and caring. Or at least he didn't look at out differences at jump into conclusion that we might not have future together. Instead what he said was it's fun to be different. He's not someone new though.. He had been there the whole time.. I just recently realise that I shouldn't be so hard on him. Things going on nicely so far. Though as usual..we are too busy with our own job. But I  tried to spend as much time with him. Anytime we can spare for dinner or meal together then we will just squeeze in. I'm leaving it all to God and I  don't want to do the same mistakes I did before.

Oh Lord... How should i do..? To open up my heart for him. He is still there..after all I had done to him.. Lord..make me forget about the past..the one who said there's no future.. Lord.. I am desperately need to forget and accept this honest man..
Aarrrggghhh... So stressful..