tomorrow never die~~~
it's been months!!! so make d story short, i'm going to write 10 things to summarize all the things i wanna write since eternity...
1. Tomorrow i got a big day..end of posting EXAM for Combined Specialties Posting (comprise of Anaethesiology, ENT n Ophthalmology). I work n study my all till my pupil become fixed n dilated.
2. Last posting (Psychiatric) was wonderful. Everything's OK.
3. It's harder for me to LOSE weight now...!!
4. I really hope this ringing sound in my ear is NOT tinnitus.
5. It's almost confirmed that I'll be doing my elective posting next year in Kuantan, PAHANG.
6. I had dis sms conversation with Mars and HE IS TOTALLY OUT OF MY LIFE NOW!!! GOODBYE MR.MARS...i'm open for new applicants n i'm gonna find a new one....
7. For me.. it's ok to be FANATIC over something as long as you don't forget that you are not living alone in this world.
8. I wanna be a BETTER PERSON to everyone around me.
9. I wanna APOLOGIZE TO MY MOM for everything i've done wrong.
10. I like knitting, crochet, handicraft, blogging, piano, guitar,...but i SUCKZZ!!! especially in piano!!!
ok...i wanna write again later..after i make sure i pass tomorrows exam!!
so long...bye...nite2..
~rose~
this is it.......
this is it..d knockout! maybe it's time to start taking this seriously..about giving up. i never destined to be a doctor...
STUCK??
OO YEAH~~ i'm getting more active in blogging now... just because it's been years that I've been stuck in the same point every single time..and it's predicted that it's going to be worse if i don't do anything about it. The whole problem is than I CAN'T ACHIEVE MORE!!! now i'm feeling more that this medical course is not for me...but why am i still here? HUH!!! I oso dono. This things keep playing with my feeling. I wanna give up but i never badly fail..I wanna keep going but I'm not performing well. Haizz~~
LORD....what's Ur real plan actually??... I think I'm going to follow the flow...just let it be!!!
When i saw my result for my 3rd yr...OMG~~It's worse than i thought!! i'm happy wif my O&G and surgery posting's..at least i can show some A's to my mom but....medicine~~i'm absolutely not satisfied!!! Why did this happen to me?? Why am i so stupid??!!! This was why I cried before..I knew this long before but I just can't get it over.
Prof.1 exam was another disaster...the worst of all worsts... it's no use I think if I'm just this much..B is bitchy!!! if got some minus on it...then it's negatively bitchy!!
I should be punished I guess. I'm not thinking of something bad like hurting myself..NO!!..i just need to be more conscious! I was sleeping and relaxing these whole time...someone please..just give me some lessons!!
orite!! enough!! I'm all out...
...and i wanna go to the beach~~i wanna see sunset..
...it might be childish or dramatic..or whatsoever! But I hope someone would bring me to see the sun rises in the morning..i never see sunrise!!..well..it's could bring some sentimental values for me....
...Guardian Angle : Yah...yah...yah...In ur dream, Rose....
...Rose : People dream to live....
till then..C u again...
lots.of.love,
~rose~
2 YEARS...
HOLA~~ 안녕..... i'ts been a while. Hm..new academic year had begun..it's my 4th year now in my M.D course. so~~ that's also mean..2 years left b4 i actually graduate!! yeah~ time is always unpredictably fast moving. even though now it's only the end of 1st week of my forensic posting but i never expect it would be so fast. Forensic posting is so interesting..for some people that prefer to work with the dead rather than the living would find it even more interesting. If before this I only watched CSI dramas and sometime it's only "watchin" but now get more feelings of it. I haven't really observe or assist or do post-mortem procedure because of my name is down on the list...well to many students in my class that we actually have to be patient a bit. BUt when the time has finally come..hm..how would i react? But i guess there'll be nothing much bizarre or 'awkward'...just like cadaver thing or like in operation theater (only that patient is alive just anesthetized). I shouldn't be worry.
Some changes happened in my campus life. Didn't expect that in the end I also will move out form my beloved luvely-big-hostel room and about to start my private life in a single-person-room. Well..hopefully next week can start moving..just waiting for the previous owner to move out from there. Me in fact, don't want to move out. I love my room (that i'm going to leave) now. It's big and so much more comfy than any room else. But....hm..somehow I have to. I actually would like to apologize to people I emotionally hurt. I was acting strange lately to someone. It's only because I was hurt to by what happen and it needed sometime to heal but it's ok now. Sorry my ex-roomie...
HUHU...almost forgot! EXAM~ who expected by the end of 2nd week of my newly begin 4th year EXAM come to visit.. Well...it's not really shocking for us..we use to this already. I wonder how would someone out the blue be thrown into our course...must be hundreds times more stressful. It WAS for me when I was in 1st year. Now it's better but it's still stressful no matter.
OK..this year will be having some postings..Forensic, Paediatric, Ortho, ENT & somemore, Family Meds, Community Meds, Psychatric.....and...i forget some more...hehe ^^v. I'll work hard I promise...harder than before. And the end of this 4th year gotta do Elective Posting some more. Hopefully to get the same hospital as the rest of my. Can't do oversea (only in my dream~ T_T)..just over the sea..haha..Kuantan, Pahang. I have no idea what to expect...what will happen later.. just let it be...
OritE...I'll figure out somehow what to write next time...till then..so long and good bye...Lots.Of.Love,
~rose~
Now Playing: The Beatles' Let It Be......
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| ENT..(?).... |
TIME SPACE
안녕...你好...こんにちは...สวัสดี...שלום...bonjour...नमस्ते...Olá...привет...
hehe~~long time no see..hm..i wanna be more active on writing and filling up the spaces in my blog but...no comment...yeah..i really want to..but sometime~~no no no...most of the time i'm too lazy to do so.
so yeah!! here i am once again..alive and not dead..uh uh..
i tried to write "hello" in some languages..with help of some common sources...and i just did...i wrote there in (in order)..Korean (annyeong), Chinese(ni hao), Japanese(koniciwa), Thai(s̄wạs̄dī), Hebrew(i dun know how to pronounce this), French, Hindi(Namastē), Portuguese(ola) and Russian(privet)...
ooh~~ so hard to learn a language..so it's harder to learn languages...i live for 22 years and i can only speak in 3 languages..how can someone like Alexander Lee Eusebio can speak in 7 languages??!! i wanna be like him too!!! Hm...he got chances that i don't get and i'm so jealous of that...wait a minute..why did i mention about him? Fyi, he used to be a UKiss member..and one of my favourite artist..
well..this is not what i'm planning to write and what i'm going to write is nothing to do with time or space. It just dat time do fly so fast and now i'm holidaying after my "nasty" year 3 professional exam..But praise the LORD..he granted me His blessing once more..I passed!!! Yeah~~ Thanks Lord for all the tears and hardships I've be through for them all had been paid.
when i'm thinking about that i realize how many..i mean a lot of things had happen in this pass 3 years of my study. along the years i never really cried as much as i did during year 3. it takes me 3 years to really really understand what a tear worth for especially when it's about the future. i wonder...why i took so long?? i keep falling to the ground without realizing it and at one point when i reached to the deepest of all..the only thing i can do is cry..cry and cry...Thank God I made to realize before it's to late..
A GOOD CRY....
weep~~ T_T~~ sometimes crying is good...it helps to let go off sad feeling.. i really experienced it once recently..same thing like i mention just now. i was so stupid at that time and i thought that i was good enough but in fact i'm not and it's proven that i'm not.. well i'm not really comfortable to open up what really happen is but it's like when what happen doesn't meet with what u want it to be situation..frustrating and like losing faith of yourself. what i did was cry as hard as i could and get out from that place for sometimes, meet some people and family members...and i felt....hhuuuhhhh~~relieved! and i feel sorry too because i skipped the revision class at that time and left my friends alone with their books in my car...
but the point is...it's okay to cry and be sad...as long as we try to heal ourselves from it..u can never be crazy!!
ok..i have no idea what to write next..i guess this is it....for now.. i get sleepy now even though it's still too early..
안녕..찰자요..우리의꿈에서만나요....
bye..good night..let's meet in our dream....
love,
~rose~
SHAKEN
HOHOHO....it's Christmas time!! So happy that I'm here for Christmas this year. It was a last minute decision i finally booked a ticket home because of my sleepless nights. It's kinda weird to spend Christmas in any other place in this world but home. Thank God...He brought me here.
I never thought that I once again felt for something used to have long ago..forgotten in time..faded memories as they never happen before. For nearly 4 years ago..it was just a small chapter in my life and most of it had swept away by time passing by my side. His smile, his laugh, his everything had made me....guilty..I was shaken...
He was the person I never knew Iwould be with..well even for a while..and that awhile became almost 3 years(if I'm not mistaken, it was long time ago!) I thought it would last forever, he would be mine forever, we would be together as long as I could breathe. I remember the first time I had his fingers between my fingers. I remember when he hugged me, I remember our first kiss and in fact, he's my very first kiss. (T_T)
Ok!! enough with that..now..yesterday..on Christmas day...I did something really really bad and u can call it "forbidden". I feel like I'm in love again with my ex-bf. what???!! it's not a problem...we can make up once again!! Or is it? Yes it is!! But why?
FYI, he's married!! now had a son!! huhu~~ I must be crazy that moment. I must be out of my mind. I was insane, disorientated and totally stupid..but I can't help myself!
we were history and it's impossible to happen again..even though for some moments I wish he's never married! oo..I wish he never far away from me and now it's not only far away but he's totally unreachable.
I thought I would never speak to him again or even a handshake, it would never happen! Maybe God was testing me..maybe it was a fate for me to really forgive and forget everything that happen before(it was really bad!) I didn't noticed he was among the guys whose standing at that corner and like usual it's not a bad thing to greet everyone and wish a Merry Christmas. But I was intentionally avoiding him all this time even yesterday I still did. But things aren't always predictable. As usual, life is full of surprises. The moment I stood in front of him the old memories suddenly feel like just yesterday and all the bad things like never happened before. How I suddenly realized that miss him, his eyes, his face, his smile, his everything making me even more restless. He lost some weight since last year which is good because after he was married he's unstoppably putting some more weight on his belly and yeah...it's not so handsome. He was a tall handsome a bit dark skin and has a smile that could melt me each time I looked at him. I guess he's been busy taking care his family..and if so..I'm impress! haha...or his wife 'took' everything from him turning him into his old version (that now had stole my attention, well it's not my fault!). hehe~~ his wife..hmmm~~I promise myself I'll never turn myself into a Biggest Loser contestant... hahahha!!LOL..I'm not bad-mouthing her..he's so lucky what to have big-big thing. Ok..I'm sorry! I'm not offending anyone. LOL~
Huh~for some moment I wish he's never married!!! I wish he's single and available now so I can run to him like before. I loved him right..I used to..and this unpredicted meeting made me feel so eager to get him once again...haha..NO!! I'm not eager to have him again!! Maybe this is normal..is it?? When we see the people we used to love it's normal that sometime we got some kind of feeling. I was there on his wedding day and I didn't feel like this at that time. I totally accepted what happen between us, I forgave him for cheating on me and I wished him every happiness from that very moment. Even though it's not easy for me when people talking about us, all eyes looking at me and questions lingered around me 'why she came here, i will never do that if I'm her?' or 'she's hurting herself" or 'well girl, who are you to be with that guy?? some one is even better than u'.....I didn't care about that all. Well..may be at that time because I was also seeing someone else...(hahahhahaaa~~~). He looked so handsome on his wedding day..I wish I was his bride...he waits for me walking on the isle toward him and we stand looking at each other eyes, vow to love each other for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, in joys and in sorrows, until death do we part...huhu~~ but it's just a dream..I woke up, I saw him holding someone else hands, vowed to someone else..not me.
I don't even know his son..I don't recognize him..they say his son is so cute..it's not that i don't want to know him..I really want to..but each time I always forget to 'investigate' which one is his son..(got too many kids in that church bah running here and there..) well..it's his son anyway..of course he's cute like his father. hahahaha..I just remember..I told a friend of mine about this before and we laugh so loud like my stomach was going to explode. She said..his son supposed to be mine, supposed to be ours!! hahahahaha....so funny..yeah..I thought so too sometime..he could be my son if we were meant to be..but not.
I wrote this not because I want him back..just shouting out what is inside me now and also..I haven't post much for a long time. I'm not offending anyone, him, his wife or his son or his family or who ever lahh!! This is just a piece of my feeling..I just want to write it out so I can read it sometime and maybe learn something from this...who knows.. he's just someone i used to love..not someone that i want now..and I wish him every happiness in his life..may he become the best husband, the best father and the best son to his parents. This is just a small chapter in my life. I'm heading forward...
p/s: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!! GOD BLESS YOU ALL~~
LOVE,
~rose~
where are you??
hmm..lately kinda addicted to this song..well, i heard it for d 1st time long time ago but just lately realize how nice this song is!!
if i were to meet someone....well..let it be a surprise!
LIFE IS FULL OF SURPRISES!!!
Michael Bublé - Haven't Met You Yet
are u still out there? how can i reach you~~?
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