Yet to figure out...? Hmm..d answers slowly revealed. In short..i'm just stupid.! Thought it was different. No! Just a typical lie. No more different than the pasts. In the end I broke my own heart. Putting a hope on hopeless stuffs. I made a mistake..mistake than will ruin my life forever. No...I feel kesian for myself..why i have to go through all these lies? Huh~~nothing will change..so let it pass..move forward. Be responsible for my own mistakes...be responsible for my own heart since no one care about it. Hmm...for a moment i thought it was different...no..just a lie..

the no.1 most important issue for me is that i hope the weekend we spent together was never a regret! bcos it's never a regret for me! it may not be perfect, not a good timing, we spent tons of money..well it seems like he spent more than me..tense and unpleasant goodbye.. but still i never regret it! of course there's guilty feeling that i have inside. Guilts--& for causing him spend so much money for this weekend, for making him so pissed off on me the end of the day, for me not being able to have self control..

ok...been no blogging for sometimes...well not really blogging i would call it..more like writing diary. LOL..read my previous entries..lawak n embarrassing pun ada..feel so stupid pun ada. can't stop looking for grammatical errors...and like..'oh..dis is how i felt dat time..so stupid!' 

This job if mine is so challenging..physically, mentally and emotionally. I warn anyone who wants to be a doctor!

1. Make sure that u got a lot of stamina n strength to work all day long wift unfixed rest time, breakfast, lunch and dinner at any time of the day, unfixed working hours..prolonged standing..lots of walking and hands working all the time. In short u work ur ass like hell all day long..all nite long!

2. U r mentally prepared that ur life wont be a all-the-time-happy-stress free life. Be prepared dat u have impending mental breakdown at all time. U wont know all things all d time. U will feel very stupid like shit most of d time for not knowing things. Ur job will stress..ur colleagues will stress u down..ur bosses will stress u more n even patients will stress u like hell sometimes. Be prepare to be stressed out all the time.

3. Emotionally..if u r not strong enuf to cope with these stressors..better give up a.s.a.p.. U will feel down..u will feel useless n feel u unable to function well n work well. Better measure ur level of tolerance to stress..for u to be emotionally stable wen u r working..so many things will challenge u emotionally...just be prepared...u will cry..u will get angry..sad..mad..irritated..pissed off..n bla bla bla...

I know i mentioned all the negatives.. But..maybe it's not dat all negative. There are good things too... The good things come when u divert ur focus to d most important part of ur job. That's ur patient.. U'll be depressed n mad bcos of ur job..but...in the end wen ur patient get better...they'll be so thankful to u..they'll hug u..thank you for saving their lives..for solving their problems..for helping them to get better.. And it's like *click*..the most wonderful feeling u'll ever have. The feeling dat will overcome all the negatives about ur job. U'll feel u had done a great job..u'll feel happy for ur patient..u'll feel great!!! The best feeling ever!!!

And then it all will start again...new patients..new problems..unhappy part..then ur happy part..unhappy again..happy again later... In short it's just a viscous cycle...so be prepared to feel all the goods and bads.. It will be fun! Either fun or "fun"...it's all up to you decide...it's ur call how to 'treat' ur job..