do anyone had ever had this...? The feeling like losing control...losing the focus to work and study...study performance became worst...not motivated..feeling worthless n helpless... Hm..i sound like i have some kind of depression or mental problem...omg..but i do feel stressed...for a long time and d cycle of being happy-stressed-sad-blanked is keep repeating for a long time that i notice it now.
I realize dat evertime i write something in dis blog it's all about unmotivated, sad, stressed...bla3... What dafuq have i done? Am I seeking attention? Whats wrong with me?? What am i now??
Stop!! I need to stop!!
Maybe i need some help... Yes i do need help... I need advices..guidance...
Maybe i should get involved in the church more actively.... I need some peace in mind too... I need to find the way i was once before...
This is not for attention...but i'll be thankful if someone would read... Bcos losing yourself is painful...worse wen you realize that you r in the middle of losing youself n nothing is done to save it.. I dont know if the word losing is really suited me well..but thats the best description of wat i feel now.. I dont want to be lost in nothingness...i want to be something meaningful...

when u get a sudden wake-up call..most of the time it became an important moment in ur life as it's when the turning point in ur life occur. i'm technically aware of my need of one significant, life changing wake-up call that i must receive to get my life be on the track that i used to walk on. i'm lacking here and there, i'm well aware of it and i'm still unmotivated to make a change. i want to be more motivated in my study..more focused in doing the best that i can. but i can't!!!! why??!! 

those people around me must be laughing at me of what i had become now..no more a smart, motivated, dedicated and all the good things...bla bla bla... their heads must have become as big as it can be and i'll be under their feet! what the hell am i thinking!..this is not i should be thinking about..

O Lord..i need to change my life, the way i'm living it. i gotta find motivations before it's too late!!

i need a wake-up call!