Hmm...wrote alot recently.. I need to let it out somewhere lah..if not im going to explode. Hmm..here seems to be a good place..no one will be angry and be pissed off..i can write my thoughts here freely. At least here got some freeeeedom.. LOL.. Ok..i basically write down my feelings at d very moment..then forget it. Hmm..i thought dis was good..hmm bcos usually i feel so RELIEVED after spilling out everything but 1 thing i ignored..will that affect others? bah..ofkoz la bah..if u tiba2 marah2 urg..EMO2 sana. Ok..sorry. Btw..of cos i'm writing about HIM..so dear myself..when u read dis later..bear wif it..this problem had been affecting you a lot..so give urself a chance to kasih luah perasaan puas2. Ok..now even massaging wif him i feel so awkward. It didn't feel awkward at all when i first met him. Now i feel so AWKWARD..d conversation feel so awkward.. I feel like he's a COMPLETE STRANGER.. I don't know how to feel about this..calling him honey also will be so awkward..n maybe not applicable anymore... I can see where dis is going.. Maybe d awkwardness will continue..i dun really wana talk to him right now..bcos i'm afraid if i do mistakes again..in d end i'm d one at fault.. Though of cos i MISS him so much..haiz...knowing dat i still miss him is a sad fact. I dun think he miss me..no..he doesn't. So..where this is going to? Idk..my prediction...awkwardness continues..then slowly-slowly losing contact........... T_T............ Maybe.. I won't fight for it..bcos i had no importance here. I can't force someone to love me.. Though i like him so much..but...for me CARING or CARING someone means i want dat person to be happy..if he's not happy with me..then....it's sad..i dun want to write..ok..suck ur tears up..it's morning...going to work soon.. Hmm just letting dis out lah..since it will be awkward telling him this.. Ajushii..i miss u..have a great days everyday.. GOD BLESS U honey...

Nothing...just bored..damn bored!!! Hmm...counting..how many pair of shoes sandals i have now..hmm..
At home in kg.. At least 8-10 pairs..in shoe boxes..some are decaying..unused..
At cilla's house..1,2,...9, 10!! Some in shoe boxes as well.. Huurrhhhggghhh.. Ok..i wanna sell some...my graduation heels..eh..it was wedges..bought it for 50 or 60 bux..wore once so far..ok..so waste of money..nnt i buat iklan lah..sell..i think i wont use it anymore..but they r so nice..red wedges..
Ok stop..so bored dat i even count my shoes nw.. MRI ongoing..

Hmm..wana go jalan2 pula..not shopping la..bcos obviously..pokai sudah now..jimat2.. Just wana go out..melancong..huhu...i really wana go Bali..alone pn xpa lah..sob sob..my life is so sad.. Ommaaaaaa~~ cry cry...dlm hati.. Ok..lets make d plan..when..n where.. Maybe early of August dis year...go Bali...hopefully..amen!

Just bcos i'm bored. Currently escorting a patient for MRI..which is boring..my pt is fully sedated now..waiting for his turn. Oh gosh..i feel so bored.!!
Suddenly got call from Chief Cheo..asking why d pt going for biopsy today never been given explaination about the procedure.. Wif an annoying tone..hei!! I'm not even working yesterday..n i'm not even M.O..ask d ppl who work yesterday lah..why on earth dey never explain..now only when pt is about to be sedated baru mw sibuk2. N asking me pula..hei..i'm still down here escorting pt. Ask d MO la..
Huh!! Dis week i dun hv night call..but will be working Am shift from today till Saturday.. Must be no fun dis week..will be in room 2..wif MO yang i mungkin x suka..bla bla bla..ok..just bear wif it..i'll be here for d next 3 months in dis department.. Hurrgghh..thinking of dat..so depressing. Why lah dis happened to me..??!! Sad.. T_T..lets quit! But x boleh jg..nnt mw keja apa..hmm...in d end..just bear wif it..again..

Ok..looking forward for the weekend.. Off on Sunday...which i'm so happy about.. We'll be having Komsel picnic at Kionsom waterfall..hehehe..at least once in a while..be out there having great times wif friends..so excited! Hmm..food projects.. Going to make cheese cake wif Carne..our jiran n Uca2 komsel member a.k.a Bob's wife.. Sudah lama mw buat cheesecake..never had d chance..hopefully dis time can make 1.. Aarrgghh..again..ward called..asking about pt's ECG..i just started working today dis week! Pt just came in yesterday afternoon! Ask d one working yesterday..not me..ask them why dey didnt do before!! Ok..cukup iklan..smbung crita.. Hmm..cheesecake..shop for stuffs on Friday nite lah..saturday nite to make 1. Ok..set!

We Hmm...not sure about one thing..maybe i shouldn't do dis.. Aarrgghh..lantak lah..dun care od.........urm..i do care actually..bcos im still keeping a hope..on d other issue..hmm..just thinking about dat making me teary..i wanna cry..i miss ajushii..TT_TT...ok..stop..ask urself back..did all the things happen between u n him were real?? No! For him it wasn't..so stop! Suck it up!! Move on! But i miss him.. Aarrgghh.. I basically wrote down every single tots im having.. LoL.. Ok..back to d story i was going to tell just now.. Haiyaa...i so damn bad also lah..i dont know wat to do.. Damn! Ok.. The other guy..lets spill it out about the other guy..i need some distraction for a while...he's recently...quite actively sending msg n all..eerrrrr...suddenly so opened up..bla bla bla..ok..why lah..?? Den..ok admit it..i did ajak him for d picnic komsel dis weekend.. Nahh!!! Ok..no hidden issue..no hidden agenda..honestly.. I was just feeling like want to ajak..in d midst of dis chaotic situation..i do dis kind of thing!! At first i tot he would refuse...but...no..hmm..shocking..dlu i mgurat u jual mahal.. But he didn't promise lah..said, if he got no sudden work call he'll come.. I hope he.....dun come...or come... Hurr~ dun come.. I told earlier...call me stupid..after been treated dis way..i still want ajushii.. I know there's no hope..but at least give me d chance to day dream for a while.. At least a month or two or..as long until i got over it..a year myb..i cared about him..n still..n i miss him.....i hate myself so much!! I hate being 'unfaithful' like dis too..making me as low as those who cheat..who lies..
Ok..dat day..not fully accidental..i talked about ajushii wif The other guy...as he asked...n i answered..abviously..he's ok lah..gave some advises..n i was..ok..screen shots everything n share to vell n cilla..hahaha..ok..cilla was excited..said the other guy must join d picnic later..vell said..hahhaha..funny..muka mcm jambu tapi matang rohani...hmm..mcm pics sudah delete..klu x..mw upload trus sni.. Hehehe...ok..if i'm rational n normal...u know wat i'll do. But for now..i wana stay crazy n stupid..wen i said i care..i still care..let daydream continues.. N please la Rose...dun do things without thinking anymore..u knw its hurtful..be careful..u r responsible for ur own heart.. Dun get broken on purpose..

Ok..pt x masuk2 lg ni.. Punya lama suda tnggu.. From 8.30 till 10.30am suda skrg..tbangun lah blk pt sy ni.. susah jg mw kasi tidur td..x2 chloralhydrate bru tidur..skit lg mw bg midazolam.. Wasting my time..errmm..ok lah..i'm blogging now anyway..so jobless..

Bahh..kasi tutup dlu ni crita..nnt buka entry baru... N most importantly..looking forward for d weekend.. Yay..