roses.are.red: May 2016

it's been a long time..again...

My last entry was in December last year...and of course it was about that same old story. Haha.. reading those entries now make me realize how stupid I was back then. Punya buduh! Kalau dulu mcm cinta gila kali sy pikir. Skrg macam cinta bodoh seja tu.! Ngok ngok! But it's okay.. I'm glad that I have those experience and stupidity in my love story. Bleeuurrrkkkk...mcm mau muntah dgn diri sendiri. Hmm...it has been two years now since the last time we met. So many stupid thing happened along the way. And... finally! After 2 years.. I declare myself a proud and happy single lady! Hahahahahaha... What I mean is.. I finally get over it. Punya buduh keciwa barabis..lepas dua tahun ni baru rasa neutral balik. Heizz... bah.. Since I got time to write then marilah sy mau crita satu kisah boring ni.. manatau bleh jd laris..hahahaha...

A long time ago... no lah.. 2 years ago seja. There was an unhappy couple who just found out that the were not really honest to each other. Well I, swear the girl was honest enough to him but he didn't think the same way. It hasn't been long enough since they started dating and that was the main problem! They haven't know each other very well. But they had a great time..actually it was fun..not bad. She really liked him. He's not so bad except the fact that he was actually cheating on her.! He was that kind of funny...badan sado2 sikit, a bit of romantic maybe..and she felt the chemistry between them. Unfortunately...it was just a dream. In reality...there was a lot of lies and dishonesty. Bah.. In the end, separation seem to be the best option. So be it. But it wasn't that easy! No no no.. So many fights and arguments even after they called it over. Jadi si perempuan yang buduh2 ni susah bah dia mau kasi lupa kisah dorg. Asyik2 ada seja gangguan dr si lelaki tu. Kunun2nya mau stay as friend! Friend my ass! Teda! Kalu sudah teda tu kawan pun nda layak sudah! Haha..amboi.

So actually.. Behind that stupid girl stood a nice and innocent guy who has been waiting for her for sometimes..let's call him Mr.W. He stood there through her sunny and rainy days. Patiently waiting and never stop to support her back. She knew about it..she knew it very well. She didn't do anything yet. Obviously..bcos she couldn't forget her past! So for the past 1 year plus plus..she has been crying silently. Waiting for miracle that never happen. Wishing a twist of fate in her story..wishing her sado ex-bf to come back and at the same time she wished him to disappear forever from her life. Day after day she lived without a true smile in her face. Each time she got her ex-bf texts she became unstable..like emotionally..haha. A lot of people she met in her way. None of them really touched her heart like how that sado ex-bf did. (honestly..i feel like vomiting writing this right now).

It was a long and lonely journey (as what she thought it was). She knew she need to move on and live on. Suddenly... well..not so surprising actually. Came an old guy (who was not so old by age, he was just older than her) who saw her sadness behind her fake smiles. "Apa Uncle T ni..apasal mcm dia paham ja apa yg sy rasa ni.." her inner self said. He didn't say much different from the rest of her girlfriends actually. Those girlfriends who also been there for her all the time. But there's something else no matter how minor it was at the beginning it caused a major effect in her life at the end. He gave her strength, he gave her hope. He gave her the reason to not to give up easily. (padahal... slalu jg kena brainwash oleh kwn2 lain selain si pakcik tua ni). He said how valuable life is to be wasted crying over someone who is not meant for you. It's okay to be sad..but don't be too sad until you cannot see what is happening around you. He let her see her true self...(or maybe he was just know how to say nice things all the time). Ok..cukuplah memuji dia.. and don't worry, they never be more than just friend. The point is..he was the reason how she started to open her eyes and see the world from a new angle. So in the end she started considering the innocent guy who has been waiting for her for sometimes.. "hmm...maybe Mr.W ni not so bad.."

New story has begun. When I said "innocent" earlier I really mean innocent.. (Just imagine what kind of innocence you don't want to deal with in your life ..if u got me, good!). She didn't mean bad. It just that maybe...

No.1: she never really like him in to begin with

No.2: he was just too "slow". I mean he was too passive!

No.3: he was still too slow and passive

No.4: he was way too slow and passive

No.5: she never like him..end the story..

In this story, you may see him as how the girl saw him. Because I never get his version of story. It's not that I never try to korek the story. I tried so many times. But u know how slow people are.

She called it over. Before he could propose her for marriage..well that's what in his mind. It's okay not to spend more time together now and save it later after they get married. What??? No! She couldn't agree with that. It's important for him to make her to fall in love with him first! Did he realize she was trying hard to like him just because he was a nice person and she didn't want to miss something like that. (ttett!! tujuan dan niat sudah salah dari awal). Okay.. so she called it an end over a dinner that probably the worst dinner Mr.W ever had in his life. Kesian dia....dah lah lepas tu dia texts pun she didn't layan.

Moving on to the next chapter. If God say you will fall in love again and so be it... 4 months ago..almost lah, she never thought that she would fall in love again. To someone she never thought will turn her world upside down inside out.. AARRGGHHH..gila eh! I swear to God she fell in love with him big time! She never plan to.. she never expect to.. she never thought so. Byk sgt masa dia spend sma ni org.. Oh God... she became like a child. Being in love make her crazy. She cried several times because she was jealous with some other girls who were close to him. I won't write much about him yet because this still supposed to be a secret. Just bear in mind that this guy is not Uncle T or Mr. W or some crazy ex-bf. He is a friend and that is the main reason she keep quite. If telling the truth will ruin their friendship that she rather suck her own feeling..absorb all the bitterness than to lose a friend like him. Honestly..she doesn't feel so happy right now for some reason... She isn't sure what to believe now...but for sure, to keep that friendship from breaking up she would let her own feeling go.

I nak nanges kuat2...T_T

Okay lah.. at least now I still can say I am a proud and happy single lady. I love this guy very much.. I never thought I will fall in love again until I met him. But.. to love doesn't always mean to have and to hold. If God.. say you will fall in love again...but he is not meant for u. He will only be a friend.. Then...so be it.

roses.are.red

it's been a long time..again...

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