A LOVE FOOL
This is a true story that happened in a part of this world even though all the characters in this story were from other planet but Earth. err....I guess it's true that boys are from Mars and Girl are from Venus..really can't understand each others feeling. What??? u think everything need to be spoken out?? NOT REALLY....something is better understood by heart without being shouted out! (hehe..am I trying to say that human should do telepathy? hahaha....do they exist anyway? do they?) I have no idea..anyhow..here....
One lovely evening...~~ding dong~~....u got a message...
Mars boy: U sent a msg to wrong people.
Venus girl: Oops...ur name startb wif *, maybe I miss-pressed ur name as my fren's is * oso..sory....(OMG..what i've done??...who r u? did i miss u dat badly?)Mars boys: I'm ok..but is it ok wif u if ur msg didn't delivered to the rite person?
Venus girl: (damn...of cos i'll send it again to the rite person..wat? u think i'll faint bcos of that?) I sent od 2 d rite person n was successfully delivered to him...hehe...(-_-")Mars boy: Ok..that's nice
Venus girl: Sory for disturbing....(not really~~...i'm happy dat i disturbed u!)Mars boy: No...not at all...
Venus girl: (huhu~~) **~ Dat's u....(yeah..that really sound like u dear~)Mars boy: R u buzy now?
Venus girl: (yes..i want to study tonight...initially~~) No..i'm free now...Mars boy: Okay..how u've been doing?
Venus girl: I'm fine..how r u?(d same damn question each time msg-ing wif this human) U dun seem good..i saw ur fb status...Mars boy: Just to share thing actually...when i noticed somthing wrong wif my surrounding...
............ok..boring story....let's skip that part....
Venus girl: Can i ask u something? what if u want something so badly but u can't have it? wat will u do? (oh boy...i want u so much but u r so dummy....can't u really read me??)
Mars boy: TQ venus girl..i've been through such thing too..n its hard to explain in word, girl...i dono..why?
Venus girl: (TQ?? what the hell is that TQ...do u od know i'm planning to give up on u?) Nothing..just asking opinion..i want something that i'll never get forever...but nvr mind..i'm very optimistic..(NO!! i'm not..i won't let u go if i can do that..but..i can't..)...wat wif that tq..y thank me?
Mars boy: For asking me that question....
Venus girl: (what is it wif u?? i can't understand u really!!)..Well, i asked others oso but they never say tq..(in fact...i never ask any1 else but u)..come on..tell me how u went through such things..(how i'm going to forget u?)..I'm desperately want some opinion...(but i really don't want to forget u...really)Mars boy: Ok..why don't u put some effort to get wat u want first....if u still cant have it...ok..u cant leave it..for me when i failed on something..really disappointed on something..i'll slowly build up my strenght..the most important thing is when we're depressed..never leave God.
Venus girl: (that's mean..i really have to let u go.?? u really chase me away?...is that wat u really want?) I think so too...to put some effort first..buy i'm just too afraid of disappoinment..to afraid to get hurt....True...i'm so scared...so afraid if thing goes the other way around if i tell u everything..to tell u that u r the one that i think everytime i wake up in the morning...afraid if this thing we have so far will be vanished forever if i tell u that...i love you...
Mars boy: Girl..i tell u the moment u hurt and cry is so great...i know bcos i felt it too so many time...
Venus girl: (u wan't me to cry bcos u??) Ya...i'd been through it too..
Mars boy: So why so scared of it?
Venus girl: (bcos it's u silly boy!!!..i don't want to lose u..) I dun want to wake up in the morning wif swollen eyes..bloated face...hehehe...^o^....(can i really hide my feeling??..lucky u r not in front of me now...)Mars boy: But it's ok wif me....
Venus girl: (yeah whatever u want!!) Haha...but i don't want any1 to know if i'd cried for something ridiculous...(loving u is ridiculous...)Mars boy: Nothing is ridiculous for evrything has its own reason...
Venus girl: (i dont think so.....) Agreed...even some still look ridiculous..just like mine..Mars boy: No u're not...
Venus girl: Yes..i am..maybe i'll just need to forget it..it's never going to happen..(i know..it's IMPOSSIBLE to happen)Mars girl: Can u tell me about it?
Venus girl: (hell NO!!!...) It supposed to be a secret...Mars boy: Hehe...I tell u..1 day u can't handle it anymore..so u need to share it wif some1...
Venus girl: (not wif u!!) ....I know...never mind..there's be some1 sooner or later...Mars boy: But i'll pray for u...
Venus girl: (u indeed...so nice n sweet~~and that's the gap between us..we r different in so many ways) Tq..it's not really a problem..just a stupidity of me..no worry...(i'm so crazy~~~)Mars boy: If u need sum1..i'll always be free for u...
Venus girl: (again..indeed..u r sweety apple pie...) Thanx..u too..I'm willing to hear u too...tell me some piece of u...Mars boy: I'm solid still. When I turn into pieces..u might hear it.
Venus girl: haha...ok..dun break into too much pieces..i can't record too much..i might be broken as well..(when u r hurt..i'll be hurt too....)Mars boy: Haha..u r terrific....
Venus girl: (I know...) No la...i'm really willing to hear ba...just put a little trust in me....Mars boy: I trust u...but i think it's ok...
Venus girl: (there u r...again..break my heart into pieces...can u hear the broken glass sound?..it's my heart u break...) TQ...(what u want me to say anyway.....)Mars boy: Welcome...
It's a story of a girl who fall in love with a boy who can't understand...in other word..he's a dummy. But the truth is love is a stupid thing. Love drives people crazy, make people happy, laugh, jump in joy, cry, hurt, vomit, constipated, headache, brain-ache, n even some stupid person commit suicide bcos of love. Love makes a heart thumping and puffing..but sometime love make it stopped. L.O.V.E indeed... a great power that can control people's mind. People forget who they are as love make them blind..but through it all..Love is still beautiful. I wonder what will happen next in this story..I do want the girl to live happily with the boy forever..but some part of me really into that girl's feeling that the gap between them is so great and it seems like it's impossible to be together. They are made from different species (well..of cos..1 from mars n d other from venus..they r alien wat!!).. kidding!! They r human being...They just don't understand each other...they are now friend n i know they don't want to destroy the friendship just bcos of stupid feeling..(i dono if it is so actually.I hope it's true that they both want to preserve that friendship..just like what it is now)....
Ok..that's all...(really..I don't know why I write this entry actually....)...but I'll try to update this story..I hope something will happen soon..so the story will be livelier...whether it is bad or not...who cares..life is like that....
Till then...so long...anyeong...
love&respect,
~rose~
P/S:야...넌 나쁜남자 야...사랑애....
NEW LIFE...
NOW....it's been 3 week in this Obstetric & Gynaecology posting. and also it's been several times i went to the Labour room as we students required to conduct at least 5 deliveries throughout this 9 weeks posting. The more I put myself in this field the weirder my feeling be. I know I'm not emotionally strong in many kind of things in this life..even though most of the time I pretend that I am strong. This posting gives me a weird experience of life that I....I can't even describe in words. The feeling that I never had before...and today...today was the day I was defeated by something so much greater than life..
I woke up like usual but this morning was with my on-ed laptop beside me..well..i was trying to finish my presentation ppt as this afternoon would be our group's turn to present some topics for this posting..unfortunately I fell asleep 'suddenly' last night..T_T..only manage to finish my Postpartum Haemorrhage presentation this morning. I went to hospital, driving on the road that i travel everyday and finally reached the O&G Dept. Labour Room..again..it's my group turn's to be here..at first, no chance to deliver a baby today..my group-mates 'booked' all the mother in the room od. Then i found out that there's a going-to-deliver-a-baby mama in that room with an anencephaly (congenital absence of the cranial vault and the meninges with the hemisphere completely missing or reduced to small masses) or in simple English it's the absence of skull bone and parts of the brain that present since birth. Well...i guess it's only my brain that working at that time recalling what is anencephaly and it's behind story...I didnt had any weirdness in my feeling...so..I just left..then went to the wards..followed the Specialist ward round in everywhere they were 'available'...then many many more things i did just to kill time..
Suddenly.... I saw a full term mama walking toward her bed after being examined in an examination room in the ward. She suddenly felt pain..ya! surely labour pain. she was rushed to the labour room and i followed her from behind..YES!! i got a chance to conduct a delivery today!! so this was the second time only I conducted delivery... and so...well...no one was born as an expert-like-the-gender-discriminator-midwifes-in-that-labour-room person since their first breath after being pulled out from the mother's uterus. of course i did had some lack of this and that...but even so..i'm still learning bah..so do the boy students...no need to treat a person so badly or so nicely just bcos of what dat person sex chromosome are made of.. OK!! back to the story...just make it simple..i delivered the baby boy (so cute!!!!) weight 3.0 kg.. Thank God..this new life You have given to this mother..the baby boy is her second child.
Then again..next to the mama that i help just now was the anencephaly baby case.. hm..she's been there for some times already..maybe it's not her time yet...(os was not fully opened..).
After a while...ya..this was it...another friend of mine conduct this deliver..[well..another sad story here, bcos of some people are born stingy n some are gender discriminator-like..my friend Nurul,a female(sex chromosome : XX) supposed to conduct this delivery...but the midwife didn't give full permission n only allowed to assist.. but suddenly the another friend JH, who is a MALE (sex chromosome :XY)...allowed to conduct the delivery FULLY!! WTF!! NO FAIR!! so pity Nurul~~)...hm...sad isn't it???...why o why...i don't get it...]...OK OK....again..back to the real story...the midwife informed the mama about the baby's condition and she told her that some babies would be able to survive up to a week if they are breast-feeded and also what she'll see of her baby..of course the mama was told beforehand about this condition...and i didn't really notice her expression.
The baby came out with a expected characteristic of anencephaly. I really had no idea what was happening inside me..my feeling..I CRIED...tears didn't stop from falling down..Oh Lord..the baby was breathing..crying a bit...but his(was a baby boy) head...not developed well..no cranial vault, shrinked hemisphere..n I guess it's the hindbrain.. Oh...I can't stop crying..I tried to hide but more and more tears were coming out...my friend gave the baby to the mother...I guess she not only crying bcos of the labour pain but was that she also going to loss her child...so sad..as sad as word cant never ever describe..as sad as I can feel my bone like going to break anytime..as sad as losing everything you have in this world...as sad as..I don't know what anymore... If I were that mama...I wouldn't know how to put myself together in such moment...it's been months they'd been living together..the baby breath and eat through his mama...a connection of nature..of unconditional love was built in such time...she wouldn't have the chance to see her son to grow.. become a kid..a teenager..a man that will protect her in her later life...ooo...this chest and this head felt so heavy...
 | |
| Anencephaly Neonate |
Maybe I was the only one in that room at that time who was weak enough to face such thing...everyone was so calm..I didn't know how the feel..but I'm glad that I was touched by such feeling...for me to grow better emotionally..for me to appreciate life..for me to love my mom more and more...and for me to realize that God is above all...HE creates, gives and take it back...maybe to teach human to be real human..human with humanity...
Till the moment I write this words out..my heart is crying..my tears are falling down..like I wanna hear my mom's voice now..I miss my family....
love & respect,
~rose~
내 어마, 아빠, 동생이...사랑해요...<3
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