i wanna scream....
....STRESSS~~
i never thought that this life could be this TOUGH.....
everyday the only thing i can see is DARKNESS in front of me.
i drive from home to class with my mind full of PROBLEMS
and my chest is so heavy that only SIGHS i breathe.
~FAMILY~~
....lies...cheats....breaking up....
wat more words i can say...
i'm not sure wat's really going on...but i'm sure we aare not happy....
who's dat bitch trying to break my parent into parts...
whoever she is..I HATE HER!!!
i HATE my dad...
how HARD it is for my mom to take this all...
mom...please...give it a rest...
we gonna through this together....
i wish things now are like wat they USED to be...
even our home is BREAKING into pieces....
i got NO place to go.....
only prayers i can say...
to God the One i can lean on...
tomorrow never die~~~
it's been months!!! so make d story short, i'm going to write 10 things to summarize all the things i wanna write since eternity...
1. Tomorrow i got a big day..end of posting EXAM for Combined Specialties Posting (comprise of Anaethesiology, ENT n Ophthalmology). I work n study my all till my pupil become fixed n dilated.
2. Last posting (Psychiatric) was wonderful. Everything's OK.
3. It's harder for me to LOSE weight now...!!
4. I really hope this ringing sound in my ear is NOT tinnitus.
5. It's almost confirmed that I'll be doing my elective posting next year in Kuantan, PAHANG.
6. I had dis sms conversation with Mars and HE IS TOTALLY OUT OF MY LIFE NOW!!! GOODBYE MR.MARS...i'm open for new applicants n i'm gonna find a new one....
7. For me.. it's ok to be FANATIC over something as long as you don't forget that you are not living alone in this world.
8. I wanna be a BETTER PERSON to everyone around me.
9. I wanna APOLOGIZE TO MY MOM for everything i've done wrong.
10. I like knitting, crochet, handicraft, blogging, piano, guitar,...but i SUCKZZ!!! especially in piano!!!
ok...i wanna write again later..after i make sure i pass tomorrows exam!!
so long...bye...nite2..
~rose~
this is it.......
this is it..d knockout! maybe it's time to start taking this seriously..about giving up. i never destined to be a doctor...
STUCK??
OO YEAH~~ i'm getting more active in blogging now... just because it's been years that I've been stuck in the same point every single time..and it's predicted that it's going to be worse if i don't do anything about it. The whole problem is than I CAN'T ACHIEVE MORE!!! now i'm feeling more that this medical course is not for me...but why am i still here? HUH!!! I oso dono. This things keep playing with my feeling. I wanna give up but i never badly fail..I wanna keep going but I'm not performing well. Haizz~~
LORD....what's Ur real plan actually??... I think I'm going to follow the flow...just let it be!!!
When i saw my result for my 3rd yr...OMG~~It's worse than i thought!! i'm happy wif my O&G and surgery posting's..at least i can show some A's to my mom but....medicine~~i'm absolutely not satisfied!!! Why did this happen to me?? Why am i so stupid??!!! This was why I cried before..I knew this long before but I just can't get it over.
Prof.1 exam was another disaster...the worst of all worsts... it's no use I think if I'm just this much..B is bitchy!!! if got some minus on it...then it's negatively bitchy!!
I should be punished I guess. I'm not thinking of something bad like hurting myself..NO!!..i just need to be more conscious! I was sleeping and relaxing these whole time...someone please..just give me some lessons!!
orite!! enough!! I'm all out...
...and i wanna go to the beach~~i wanna see sunset..
...it might be childish or dramatic..or whatsoever! But I hope someone would bring me to see the sun rises in the morning..i never see sunrise!!..well..it's could bring some sentimental values for me....
...Guardian Angle : Yah...yah...yah...In ur dream, Rose....
...Rose : People dream to live....
till then..C u again...
lots.of.love,
~rose~
2 YEARS...
HOLA~~ 안녕..... i'ts been a while. Hm..new academic year had begun..it's my 4th year now in my M.D course. so~~ that's also mean..2 years left b4 i actually graduate!! yeah~ time is always unpredictably fast moving. even though now it's only the end of 1st week of my forensic posting but i never expect it would be so fast. Forensic posting is so interesting..for some people that prefer to work with the dead rather than the living would find it even more interesting. If before this I only watched CSI dramas and sometime it's only "watchin" but now get more feelings of it. I haven't really observe or assist or do post-mortem procedure because of my name is down on the list...well to many students in my class that we actually have to be patient a bit. BUt when the time has finally come..hm..how would i react? But i guess there'll be nothing much bizarre or 'awkward'...just like cadaver thing or like in operation theater (only that patient is alive just anesthetized). I shouldn't be worry.
Some changes happened in my campus life. Didn't expect that in the end I also will move out form my beloved luvely-big-hostel room and about to start my private life in a single-person-room. Well..hopefully next week can start moving..just waiting for the previous owner to move out from there. Me in fact, don't want to move out. I love my room (that i'm going to leave) now. It's big and so much more comfy than any room else. But....hm..somehow I have to. I actually would like to apologize to people I emotionally hurt. I was acting strange lately to someone. It's only because I was hurt to by what happen and it needed sometime to heal but it's ok now. Sorry my ex-roomie...
HUHU...almost forgot! EXAM~ who expected by the end of 2nd week of my newly begin 4th year EXAM come to visit.. Well...it's not really shocking for us..we use to this already. I wonder how would someone out the blue be thrown into our course...must be hundreds times more stressful. It WAS for me when I was in 1st year. Now it's better but it's still stressful no matter.
OK..this year will be having some postings..Forensic, Paediatric, Ortho, ENT & somemore, Family Meds, Community Meds, Psychatric.....and...i forget some more...hehe ^^v. I'll work hard I promise...harder than before. And the end of this 4th year gotta do Elective Posting some more. Hopefully to get the same hospital as the rest of my. Can't do oversea (only in my dream~ T_T)..just over the sea..haha..Kuantan, Pahang. I have no idea what to expect...what will happen later.. just let it be...
OritE...I'll figure out somehow what to write next time...till then..so long and good bye...Lots.Of.Love,
~rose~
Now Playing: The Beatles' Let It Be......
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| ENT..(?).... |
TIME SPACE
안녕...你好...こんにちは...สวัสดี...שלום...bonjour...नमस्ते...Olá...привет...
hehe~~long time no see..hm..i wanna be more active on writing and filling up the spaces in my blog but...no comment...yeah..i really want to..but sometime~~no no no...most of the time i'm too lazy to do so.
so yeah!! here i am once again..alive and not dead..uh uh..
i tried to write "hello" in some languages..with help of some common sources...and i just did...i wrote there in (in order)..Korean (annyeong), Chinese(ni hao), Japanese(koniciwa), Thai(s̄wạs̄dī), Hebrew(i dun know how to pronounce this), French, Hindi(Namastē), Portuguese(ola) and Russian(privet)...
ooh~~ so hard to learn a language..so it's harder to learn languages...i live for 22 years and i can only speak in 3 languages..how can someone like Alexander Lee Eusebio can speak in 7 languages??!! i wanna be like him too!!! Hm...he got chances that i don't get and i'm so jealous of that...wait a minute..why did i mention about him? Fyi, he used to be a UKiss member..and one of my favourite artist..
well..this is not what i'm planning to write and what i'm going to write is nothing to do with time or space. It just dat time do fly so fast and now i'm holidaying after my "nasty" year 3 professional exam..But praise the LORD..he granted me His blessing once more..I passed!!! Yeah~~ Thanks Lord for all the tears and hardships I've be through for them all had been paid.
when i'm thinking about that i realize how many..i mean a lot of things had happen in this pass 3 years of my study. along the years i never really cried as much as i did during year 3. it takes me 3 years to really really understand what a tear worth for especially when it's about the future. i wonder...why i took so long?? i keep falling to the ground without realizing it and at one point when i reached to the deepest of all..the only thing i can do is cry..cry and cry...Thank God I made to realize before it's to late..
A GOOD CRY....
weep~~ T_T~~ sometimes crying is good...it helps to let go off sad feeling.. i really experienced it once recently..same thing like i mention just now. i was so stupid at that time and i thought that i was good enough but in fact i'm not and it's proven that i'm not.. well i'm not really comfortable to open up what really happen is but it's like when what happen doesn't meet with what u want it to be situation..frustrating and like losing faith of yourself. what i did was cry as hard as i could and get out from that place for sometimes, meet some people and family members...and i felt....hhuuuhhhh~~relieved! and i feel sorry too because i skipped the revision class at that time and left my friends alone with their books in my car...
but the point is...it's okay to cry and be sad...as long as we try to heal ourselves from it..u can never be crazy!!
ok..i have no idea what to write next..i guess this is it....for now.. i get sleepy now even though it's still too early..
안녕..찰자요..우리의꿈에서만나요....
bye..good night..let's meet in our dream....
love,
~rose~
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