the shortest memories yet the hardest to let go...
i know..i know..i promised not to write about him anymore. But this is another entry about him..him..him..him... him..echoing in my mind. Honestly..yes I miss him like crazy..i miss him like a double crazy people.. never a day without a thought of him.. adoi..this is it. I feel sorry for myself..why am I still living with the past while he's obviously over me..and in fact i know he never think of me more than a physical thing. But WHY???!!! Aaaarrrggghhh!! Geram sama diri sendiri. I hate it when I started to like a person and felt so attached to them..then suddenly everything just vanished at once. I feel myself like trying to grab every last piece of thing about him but end up loosing some more. The thing is...I don't know what i want exactly.
The best thing to do is separation..zero contact for as long as possible. Each time..all i wanted is time and distance without a sudden message popped out in the phone say "good day to u..GBU" or GBU. I knew each time he's honestly mean every wishes he sent. But it's not like it's bad but... i prefer if there's no short message from him for as long as possible. I admit, there are time when i wish i could at least talk to him or ask how he's doing..but..still my best choice is not to contact him. No matter how hard it is for me to avoid myself from contacting him... like mau nangis kuat2..ommmaaaaa.. but still..as far as i can go..dun contact him! Bcos...once i contacted him..or i read d short msg he sent...everything that i had been working on..my hard work and effort to forget him reset to zero. Then..i have to go through the process all over again...the tiring process all over again..
haiya...all these time..what i was trying to do is to create a space..as large as it can get..between us. The larger it is..the more impossible for us to be friend..the better. Show him the very bad part of me..all my nasty words..rude words...just to chase him away. Haiz...can't he get it yet..? I had done and said most things that i don't even mean.. I dun recognize myself anymore..i'm becoming the person i created.. but still..can't he just go..?? He's technically gone..i can't even see him anymore..forever. Why can't he just stop..stop sending msges which reset my effort all over to zero again..u know it's my weakest point.. i am tired..SM...dun u know? I want u away!! I am doing this for u.. u don't need a friend like me..u threw me away long time ago. Stop for once.. U are happy with her...i know that.. u dun have to be friend with me.. It hurts me to know that u belong to someone else. I am thankful that u r happy but i dun want to hear about u being happy with someone else constantly..it hurts.. so give me time.. as long as years or forever.. i know this is selfish..like he always said..i only care about how i feel and not his' or other people.. ya true..dat's the bad things about me that i want u to see...please notice this bad thing..keep in mind and leave...leave like u always do...
I am tired of this.. I never asked to know u..i never ask this thing to happen in the first place..but yet I am the hardest to heal from this..the hardest to let go of all the remnants.. God..help me..help me to forget about him..to let go the memories of him..
haiz...if only...this thing never happen..if i never knew who dis SM guy is.. Things may be different..and i never changed into a bad person like now... i never do bad comments publicly.. or say words i dun mean.. If only i could go back to the point of time before i know him...
this page has become a place for me pour out anything...lol..ok..cukup lah... fokus keja.. lega sudah sikit..
new home...
sudah lama nda tulis blog lg. Well..been a bit busy shifting place. Hehehe..now I am in a new house somewhere in KK..closer to where I work compared to my previous place.
Ok..let's talk about renting place. Hmm..I got dis question a lot.. "Why renting? Why u don't just buy a house?" Well..people..the house in KK is super expensive..i'm afraid if I can't afford. "But renting is membazir ja..". Yes..indeed..but hmm..tak tau lah..I always do unexpected things which I can't explain myself.
Ok..found this house in mudah.my. First thing I noticed..rent..RM1200/month, unfurnished. Hmm..should it be considered cheap for this kind of house? I had no idea..but I think it's reasonable. Ok jg..kot. Later, arranged for house viewing with the owner..luckily it wasn't through an agent thingy. So money saved x1. Saw the house..boleh lah..panjang betul rumput dia. Then after negotiating with the uncle, Uncle Ooi, potong sikit ja pg 1150..aigoo. Ok..the arrangement is deposit + 1 month rent + 500 bucks for utility. Spent 2800 in total for a starter. Great~ T_T.
But the main reason I rent this house is because it's so close to my sister's clinical block. Which is just a 5 minutes walking distance. Ya..she's studying nursing now..which I am so proud of. ^_^.. Second reason, closer to my work place..about 10-15 minutes drive and even shorter without the traffic jam. Third..bah it's time lah. Cannot stay in Cilla's house forever. It's ngam2 a year and a month sudah since I started working.
This house is quite spacious for me. When I shifted all my stuffs in, I thought I had the most barang2 od. But bila masuk dalam..luas lagi. The result of pindah from a small place to a bigger place. Took me more than 1 week to pindah..just during my postnites. Huhu..yesterday was my only off day after a month with postnites only...T_T. From an empty house, the uncle provide additional 2 stuffs in..sofa set and a stand fan for the bedroom without ceiling fan. So I have to buy everything else. Bought some essential stuffs first.. a queen sized mattress 149 bucks, a gas cabinet 129, simple wardrobe 139 + delivery 30 bucks, curtains all costs me 204 bucks!, new tong gas from vel, filled 128, stove 39 bucks, hmm..toiletries and kitchen related stuffs around 200 oredi. wow..give rise to total of 1018 at least! Waaaahhhhhhhh~~ matai oo.. I am so pokai.
Bah..pelan2 lah yg lain tu. Next plan is to get some stuffs pelan2.. Luckily i encountered this Jackson furniture shop, selling stuffs quite cheap compare to other shops like Chan's n other. Mostly sell in harga kilang dia bilang. Will go buy stuff there later. Hmm..next thing..depends lah on availability of budget..need a fridge..a small or medium sized one..dining table for 4 cukup, a large cabinet to put in the living room to at least put my book n some decoration..a kitchen cabinet to put foods in and where i can place rice cooker, heater, pinggan mangkuk and all.. hmm...budget for these..1.5k maybe..pelan2..impossible to do at once. Need to watch out for the unexpected ones.
So we'll be staying here..me, my sister, and my causin Alung so far. Hopefully Pips will come along soon..it's because the bus transportation here is not so convenient. Have to jalan kaki jauh from the main road. Kalau ada kereta sendiri baru ok actually. My mom going to come often..she plans to plant some vege at the backyard.. huhuhu..so exciting. The only things that still pending now are the rumput yg panjang...blum jumpa org yg mw potong rumput. Jiran said slalu ada tu org naik basikal mw potong rumput..but so far x jmpa lg. Next..the gate and fence, some non functioning light bulbs which the uncle said will fix them. Just waiting for that lah. Otherwise..yang lain pelan2 lah buat...logot-logoton. Hmm..I have a vision and mission to have a vintage/floral house concept..hahaha..if possible.
ok..nah..some more views of my new home...yg empty punya..nnt i crita2 bla sudah ada stuff sikit.
 |
| the living room |
 |
| the door to the dry kitchen, wet kitchen on the right |
 |
| the master bedroom..mineeee |
and the rest of the house...
the other rooms, upstair and the messy backyard...
k.. till then.. will turn this place into a nice comfy home.. do come to visit. But please bring some foods along..haha.. Ciao..
the next chapter...
work with bones!!
Mixed feeling at first..happy thinking that Ortho could be relaxing. Sadly now in Yellow team..the team dat with most of the malignant persons in.. namely..dat specific MO..urgghh!! Unprofessional, mean, rude, sarcastic person..u name it. All my teammates are so stressed when he's around. Well..my first time having ward round wif him, he didn't like the way I wrote entry in the case note. So what he did was he teared off the whole page, pushed me aside and ask someone else to write. Wow! Then next patient..I presented the case, but actually my friend reviewed her that morning. Again..he screamed at my face bcos apparently my friend made a mistake in her review. Arrgghh...whatever! I think the longer u work..u met with different kind of people..things become less surprising to u. I've seen people like this..and of course..as a first poster, it will affect u a lot. But then..later it would be just..another rude and mean people u met. Just let it pass. Oh ya.. Yellow team btw focus on arthroplasty and oncology..we are dealing with robotizing human...(well..we change people's joints into robotic one) and with cancer. Yeah..interesting. Green team..ankle and foot, Red team..spine, and Blue team..advanced trauma.
Facebook Badge
About Me
