i know..i know..i promised not to write about him anymore. But this is another entry about him..him..him..him... him..echoing in my mind. Honestly..yes I miss him like crazy..i miss him like a double crazy people.. never a day without a thought of him.. adoi..this is it. I feel sorry for myself..why am I still living with the past while he's obviously over me..and in fact i know he never think of me more than a physical thing. But WHY???!!! Aaaarrrggghhh!! Geram sama diri sendiri. I hate it when I started to like a person and felt so attached to them..then suddenly everything just vanished at once. I feel myself like trying to grab every last piece of thing about him but end up loosing some more. The thing is...I don't know what i want exactly.

The best thing to do is separation..zero contact for as long as possible. Each time..all i wanted is time and distance without a sudden message popped out in the phone say "good day to u..GBU" or GBU. I knew each time he's honestly mean every wishes he sent. But it's not like it's bad but... i prefer if there's no short message from him for as long as possible. I admit, there are time when i wish i could at least talk to him or ask how he's doing..but..still my best choice is not to contact him. No matter how hard it is for me to avoid myself from contacting him... like mau nangis kuat2..ommmaaaaa.. but still..as far as i can go..dun contact him! Bcos...once i contacted him..or i read d short msg he sent...everything that i had been working on..my hard work and effort to forget him reset to zero. Then..i have to go through the process all over again...the tiring process all over again..

haiya...all these time..what i was trying to do is to create a space..as large as it can get..between us. The larger it is..the more impossible for us to be friend..the better. Show him the very bad part of me..all my nasty words..rude words...just to chase him away. Haiz...can't he get it yet..? I had done and said most things that i don't even mean.. I dun recognize myself anymore..i'm becoming the person i created.. but still..can't he just go..?? He's technically gone..i can't even see him anymore..forever. Why can't he just stop..stop sending msges which reset my effort all over to zero again..u know it's my weakest point.. i am tired..SM...dun u know? I want u away!! I am doing this for u.. u don't need a friend like me..u threw me away long time ago. Stop for once.. U are happy with her...i know that.. u dun have to be friend with me.. It hurts me to know that u belong to someone else. I am thankful that u r happy but i dun want to hear about u being happy with someone else constantly..it hurts.. so give me time.. as long as years or forever.. i know this is selfish..like he always said..i only care about how i feel and not his' or other people.. ya true..dat's the bad things about me that i want u to see...please notice this bad thing..keep in mind and leave...leave like u always do...

I am tired of this.. I never asked to know u..i never ask this thing to happen in the first place..but yet I am the hardest to heal from this..the hardest to let go of all the remnants.. God..help me..help me to forget about him..to let go the memories of him..

haiz...if only...this thing never happen..if i never knew who dis SM guy is.. Things may be different..and i never changed into a bad person like now... i never do bad comments publicly.. or say words i dun mean.. If only i could go back to the point of time before i know him...

this page has become a place for me pour out anything...lol..ok..cukup lah... fokus keja.. lega sudah sikit..