Leaving u...Paeds...bye~~
DELIVERANCE....
It's a big word! I'm not sure really if i'm ready to write about this. I mean..it's it's been a rough windy road for the past couple of months and all I really need was to reach to a point of "freedom". Funny to mention freedom..lol. But my English is not so good and my vocabulary is actually just so-so..couldn't find a better word to describe what i mean. Anyway what i really want to be free from is....the guilt...
DARK DAYS ARE GONE...
After reading all my posts for the past few months of my dark season...@_@..one word..dumbfounded! Like I'm reading someone else's blog and not mine. Hahaha...so funny, stupid, crazy, and so not me..(i guess..) lol. Well it's normal to layan frustration..but somehow, i think i had been over the top. I want to laugh at myself..hahahaha. However, after i passed my exam and finally I can leave Paediatric Department...yeah~~another burden lifted from my shoulder. Still having the thought that it shouldn't be happening in the first place..i shouldn't get extended for 3 months. But I keep telling myself, things happened! And now you had overcome it. Congratulation to myself. Of course i deserve this and even better. But one thing for sure..I won't come back to Paeds..like ever again. 7 months was sooo long man..T_T.
EXAM AND NERVOUSNESS...
My last most precious exam in Paeds, 3rd CEX was with 2 specialistas, one who's in charge of all the housemen in Paeds, who is known for her strictness in exam..and another specialist who's super nice. I was nervous like crazy the moment i got to know the killer specialist going to take me for the exam. Feel like she already prepare all the documents for me to be transfer out from Sabah. Huu~~. Some more they didn't gave me exact date for the exam earlier. Day before the exam i got a call from her.."we'll take u for exam tomorrow..ok"..i was like..my knees banging each other the whole day..LoL. Day of exam, i checked every cases in the ward at that time. My Lord..like everything was there..from common respi cases, asthma or pneumonia could be my exam case.. cardiac, got acute on chronic rheumatic heart disease, got other CHD case as well..a room full of neuro cases..i'm going epileptic..others..dengue and some more..blah blah blah.. Finally...i got Nephrotic Syndrome..actually Relapse of Nephrotic syndrome..5 years old boy..very cheerful and bright..but not so helpful. Hmm...biasalah kids..difficult to examine..however..i guess my performance was...acceptable..able to appreciate the signs he has. Exam went quite smoothly..except some questions I couldn't answer. But in the end they give me a go! yes!! Thank you Lord..i feel like jumping in joy. Finally..after spent 6 months in Paeds. Punya senang actually...i just vomited out my best knowledge! Hahaha...sia-sia ja nervous brabis before exam..pass jg! But actually..it's good to feel the rush and nervousness. I think i'll be more worried if i didn't feel so..must be something wrong if i didn't.
HAPPY~~
Told my friends straight away...my UCA2 komsel group..my house mates..earlier during our komsel I asked them to pray for my exam. Thanked them for their prayers. Finally....i can feel some peace~~hahaha...so nice..that i can read magazines and novels..go jalan2 and enjoy without feeling guilty of not studying! Waahh~~only some people who can understand how i feel..the people who went through same thing..susah wei kalu kena extended..mo nangis..seeing all ur friends leaving u behind..facing the "stigma" from the department..like.."eh..Dr. Rosa..ko kena extend ka ni?? kenapa muka kw masih d sni?.." At first i felt so stressed out hearing that..some just laugh..but most of the people..nurses and colleagues gave support and encouragement to keep strong..thanks to them. Sooner, when people ask me so..i just ignored and convinced myself...it's God given advantage to me to learn more.
TO BALI WE GO...
As a reward to myself...not really a reward actually. I'm going to Bali in November! Yay~~ it's Nov 15th until 18th with Vella and Jacqueline. Bought the ticket a day before the exam...hahaha..so not really a planned reward for me passing the exam. But it's just a sudden decision made after Vell told me she just bought the ticket..so apa lg...i just tag along. Cilla is not going with us..so far there'll be just us 3. I got this new friend, Collete..so call my trip to Bali advisor..lol..everyday like talking about Bali and the places i should go there..hahaha..she really make me wanna go Bali asap. Huhuhuhu...long time ago i was hoping to go with ajushii...aarrgghhh~~feel so sad..nak nangis..sob sob.. Ok! Cut it off!! The pass is the pass! Forget it stat!
NEXT POSTING....
probably going to O+G dept. Another part of hell.. I hope i can stay strong and go through it alive. It's d toughest most heart-breaking some ridiculousness and stupidity posting..but..yeah..Lord..help me go through that later..amen.
OK...that's is for this time diary writing session..let's pray for a better world...no war please!
#nowplaying Where is the Love by Black Eyed Peas
~rose~
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to think about...
things happen for reason...
not all good start will end up nicely...
and not all bad start will end up bad as well...
people care about the beginning and the end..
but try to enjoy the middle..the journey...it may be significant as well...
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