Holiday Part 3.. Dimensions of life
LoL.. the title sound so grand..bleerkkks! Dimensions lah sangat! Ok..Let's talk about other parts of life. Or what I want to write next is about my other dreams..house..car..shopping and love~..hehe.. Like usual.. I am still single of course and I am proud of that..eerr...not really. I'm sad..bila I bleh kawin ni??! Jeles..semua orang mau kawin sudah..Cilla is getting married soon. My single club members are getting less and less. Haiz..stress~and sad. All guys are basically running away from me. (Is it because I ran away as well..?) All saying the same thing.."there's a lot more guy for you out there.." The fact is there's nobody! Instead of trying to be there for me all those dear guys in my life ran away. Teruk sangat ka sy ni? I know I'm not pretty..I don't have supermodel's figure..I can be super rude and harsh if u hurt me...I don't easily forgive if u hurt me.. Haiz.. is there any one out there who can accept me just the way I am? I can only sigh.. Takpa lah..I guess all those guy will say the same thing just like that unforgettable one..:"no future with u"..sakitnya tuh disini di dalam hati ku. But once I care..I won't easily forget that people. It always took me very hard steps and methods to convince myself to go away..especially if someone said "no future"..
There's no sparks...
I got really annoyed recently with Mr.W. I know I was too much..too rude. I don't know how I became like this. This job is basically changing me. Especially this posting, I become more and more "malignant". My friends at work said that I can be really malignant..they were shocked! And after I told my dear girlfriends Cilla and Siaw about that then I realize..ya..my job change me a lot. Cilla has been working as a Research assistant in ENT dept in QEH. So she had been mingling with doctors and hospital staffs. I think she understand more. She said she wasn't shock if something harsh came out from me..hospital staffs are basically too playful..sometime our jokes are not as harsh as it sound..kami2 ja bleh paham... I mean what I said to Mr.W recently is something like that.. What happened was..haiz...I nak mulakan cerita dengan keluhan yang berat ni. First of all..I cannot feel any chemistry with him so far. He is a nice guy..my gosh..the one that I won't hesitate to marry to. But..why I can't feel any "sparks"? He is so not my style! I think I was just pushing myself towards him because I don't want to hurt him but what happen all the time was..I end up hurting him. I end up being sarcastic and rude..and finally he said that I was mean and like to hurt people! Bravo Rose! Good job! But where is that hurting part?? To me it was joke..I was just teasing him for being "girly"..I know he's not..but he is just not a joking kind of person..he took the jokes too much too serious. See..? Where is the chemistry.? I think I need to be with someone like me..same job..so it will be easier to understand. Mr.W...? he most of the time can't understand anything. I feel so easy to read him..so predictable. But he said he can't understand me at all. Errmm..about that.. he probably right. I know he is very honest..I can't count how many time he express his feeling..But I just ignore. The point is..I am not ready! Give me more time.. I still feel hurt from the past one. I told him..I need at least a year.. Why nobody's taking my word seriously. One year is not that long. I can't help but to put a "shield" on my heart. It's still pretty damaged..haven't recovered fully. So it's like a reflex..he is coming closer but I can't help but to keep a distance. Why he can't understand that! Fuuhhh! This is a very complicated thing. Honestly.. I don't want to lose someone like him. He knows my past and yet he's OK with it. But now, he said he can't understand me and seems like he's going away. Can he give me more time? I need more time, my dear! I am so sad about that...but I can't do anything. I decided for us not to contact each other for a while. It's been almost a week now but I don't feel anything. But thank God he really didn't say a word for a while..which is good.. This give a personal time to think clearly. May be he's hurt out there..but I hope this silent time is beneficial not only for me but for him as well. Lets give it a week or two to calm down. Dear little heart..can u open up a bit? See the bright side of him..---> krik krik krik... uhh..not ready yet..I guess.
I just hope he's doing well out there. Nampak posts dia di wechat moments..tidak banyak tp Ok jg tu..ada yg saja bg sign la tu..tp ignore ja dlu..lol..jangan risau.. He's an adult. Pandai jaga diri. But honestly..I'm not that worried at all..barely thinking about him. Err..is that a good thing or a bad thing?
I want to buy a house...
I got my eye on one house which I think I'm going more and more serious about buying that house. Ok..most important question... budget. My maximum budget..400k. Ya.. I know. Houses in KK are killer-priced...I mean..too expensive. But this house I got my eye on cost 360k! Which is still expensive for me to take alone. I wish I can have someone(..a husband maybe..? LoL..mcm si mr.w pnya hint..i pura2 x tau..) to share the cost. But it would be nice also to have a house on my own..like I am the house owner. Ok..anyway..about the house. It's a townhouse concept house. No land..no private gate or fence..no backyard. It's a intermediate, double storey..3 rooms, 3 bathrooms..about 1100-1200 sq.ft. Jiran sebelah menyebelah sangat dekat..macam apartment pnya rupa skit. Actually i like the house juga. Thinking that may be I can't get offer as good as this one later on. The 360k price pun sebenarnya lepas tawar menawar..tp skit ja dpt..from 380k actually. Probably I will proceed with this house..Ok..kita tinggu dan lihat. Otherwise..hmm..I'm starting to imagine how should I renovate and decorate my future house..heehehe...angan2 besar makcik!
One more thing.. Housing loan! Mana bah bank yang paling OK ni utk buat housing loan. I went to one.. Bank Rakyat. People around always suggest these two banks.. Bank rakyat and bank Islam...mana lg murah and berbaloi.. Sy pn tak tau. Ada cakap tu..ada cakap ni. Actually it's very hard for me to do this. I am so clueless about all these stuffs. Terpaksa lah I bertanya sana sini. Xpa..malu bertanya sesat jalan. Nanti kalu sudah buat skali pastu pandai2 sudah tu..ada pengalaman sudah. Pasal mau bayar balik loan? Kita jadikan rumah tu investment..haah.. Tp kalu sy tinggal sendiri pn mau juga.. Lgpn it's my first house.. kalau lah jadi. Distance? memang agak jauh...lebih kurang macam tinggal d UCA2 dlu..just a bit further. Nanti lah kalu jadi..baru sy disclose mana tempat tu.. skrg..biarlah rahsia.
when can i have a car on my own...?
be patient my dear self... concentrate on one thing first..house. There are two house to concentrate on. Those I wanted to buy and one at kampung. These two are ur commitment now. But..if I want to buy a car I already have one in my mind. hehehe...it's a very nice one..it suits my taste I think.. Honda HRV! Mula2 dulu kecil2 I paling suka Honda CRV. One of my high school teacher have this green colored CRV which i found very pretty. Since then I had been liking those kind of car..SUV type. Then where HRV came out..waa..cantik oo..I like~. Went to Honda showroom recently to have a look on those cars.. they are so nice.. haiz...bila lah dapat memiliki kereta idaman I ni..? Sabarlah wahai hati..satu persatu kita settle. Jangan gopoh..jangan godoot.Bah..macam biasa..panjang2 ni crita. Haiz..tomorrow I'll be back at work. 3 days holiday is just too short..but thank God..at least I got to take holiday. Brief escape from the crazy world at work. Ok..it's getting late.. I better sleep now so that I can wake up early tomorrow. Let's do our best for tomorrows. Ganbatte!!
Love,
Rose..<3 comment-3--="">
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to think about...
things happen for reason...
not all good start will end up nicely...
and not all bad start will end up bad as well...
people care about the beginning and the end..
but try to enjoy the middle..the journey...it may be significant as well...
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